Review: The Wicker Man (2006)

     Once upon a time, Nicholas Cage was a respected actor in Hollywood. In 1996 he won the Academy Award for Best Actor for his role in Leaving Las Vegas. He comes from a movie family, he is the nephew of both Francis Ford Coppola and Talia Shire and is cousins with both Roman and Sophia Coppola as well as Jason Schwartzman. Unfortunately for Cage, financial problems as a result of his unchecked spending habits has caused him to accept what seems like every role he's asked to do. This, coupled with some bizarre acting choices, has caused Mr. Cage to be regarded as one of the worst actors in Hollywood. I disagree with this. I firmly believe that the man can act. If you don't believe me I encourage you to check out his work in films like Bad Lieutenant, Kick-Ass, and Adaptation (for which he was nominated for Best Actor in 2003). The fact remains however, that Nicholas Cage is in a lot of terrible movies, and I believe this trend can be traced to it's origin in the 2006 remake of the 1973 horror movie, The Wicker Man.

     Cage plays Edward Malus, a California motorcycle cop who receives a letter from his ex-fiancée (Kate Beahan) who now lives on an island in Puget Sound that her daughter, Rowan, has gone missing and she requests his help in finding her. Despite not being a detective, nor having any legal jurisdiction in Washington state, Edward makes his way north to find the missing girl. Upon arrival, Edward discovers that the island, named Summer's Isle, is privately owned by a matriarchal pagan cult, whose main source of income is the sale of honey produced by the bees on the island, which is unfortunate for Edward as he is allergic to bees. Despite having no clues to go on whatsoever, Edward treats everyone on the island as a hostile witness, saying that he wants to question each and every person who lives on the island. most of the resident's of Summer's Isle tell him that Rowan never existed. When Edward finds some clues that prove that she does exist, the Islander's inform him that she is already dead, of course after a slip of the tongue which suggests otherwise. There are many clues about ritual human sacrifice practiced on the island and the need to please the goddess they worship after the worst honey harvest on record. The result is a mess, but at least it's an mess that is hilarious in it's insanity

     

     The first half of this film is awful. It just plods along, the actors, especially Cage, delivering their lines as though they are on downers. Things do start to pick up when Edward actually gets to the island. Everyone on the island behaves very strangely, laughing at Edward's “modern” ways. Despite not being sure if Rowan actually exists for much of the film, Edward calls out her name at even the slightest noise in the distance. Once Edward has some concrete clues to go on, the mood of the film does a complete 180, going from sedate to manic. Cage just starts yelling at people, and punching women and it is fantastically awful. This movie has become famous for Cage's screamed lines “Why's it burnt? Why's it burnt?” “No, not the bees!” “You Bitches! This is murder! You're all guilty and you're doing it for nothing!” Cage truly delivers a tour de force of 

Never forget

craziness. Cage's ridiculous acting overshadows all of the other short comings of this film, most notable of which is that this film doesn't feel like a horror movie at all. There are only a couple scenes that even attempt to scare the audience, and they feel as though the director forgot he was making a horror movie and had to be reminded to make the movie scary. I think the defining moment of this film is when, after sucker punching a barmaid and kicking Leelee Sobieski across the room, Edward puts on a bear costume in order to join a procession of masked islander's, leading to where Rowan is supposedly being kept. Upon arriving to the procession's destination, Edward runs up to the woman guarding Rowan and, still in his bear costume, punches her in the face without saying a word. The one thing I do have to praise about this movie is that it is shot beautifully. The majesty of the Pacific northwest is on full display, and there are a number of interesting visuals. The cinematography so is astounding in this otherwise dreadful film that if you weren't paying much attention, you might actually think this is a good movie, just by how it looks. 

The bear suit represents the oppressive hand of patriarchy

       The essential plot of this movie is the same as the 1973 original, but where they depart is on their basic themes. In the 1973 version the main focus was on the conflict between the islander's pagan beliefs and Edward's christian faith. In this version there is none of that. The central ideological conflict between Edward and the people of Summer's Isle is that of gender in society. The people of Summer's Isle founded their colony in order to escape from the patriarchal society of the rest of the world. They treat men like second-class citizens, valuable only for their ability at physical labor, and aiding in procreation. In this version the men of the island all have their tongue's cut out so that they cannot speak against the women who run the island. Edward, of course, is an outsider who thinks all of this is ridiculous, and he ends up punching women in the face. Unsurprisingly, this caused a lot of outrage from feminist groups against this film. I agree with the feminists that this is a terrible movie, but probably for more reasons than they will focus on.

     I would be remiss for me to not mention that there are two cuts of this movie. The cinematic cut doesn't show *SPOILER ALERT* Edward's knees getting broken nor the infamous bee helmet scene which are present in the alternate ending. Instead, after Edward is burnt alive in the titular Wicker Man, the movie jumps to six months later where we see Leelee Sobieski and Kate Beahan seducing James Franco and Jason Ritter in preparation to make them the next sacrifice sometime in the future. Yeah, James Franco and Jason Ritter are in this movie as Bar Guys #1 and #2 respectively.  Why James Franco is in this movie is beyond me, especially considering his scene in only about a minute long. Keep in mind that this movie came out after both Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2 as well as Tristan + Isolde. Even more confusing is the presence of Aaron Eckhart as “Truck Stop Patron” in what can't be longer than the first five seconds of the movie and then is never seen again after saying his only line: “You got it.” AARON ECKHART! The only explanation for this has to be that Eckhart stopped by the set to meet a friend or something and they decided to put him into the film on a whim. Why, these A-list celebrities made such small cameo appearances in this terrible B-movie is just another mystery of The Wicker Man

The guy with the hat is Aaron Eckhart. Yep.

Rating: 3/10 - Immoral